the waiting period is gonna drive me mad

Having such a difficult time with this. Robert, so wish you were here. I KNOW this is not the biggest deal in the world but I cannot deny it is such a letdown. Andrew is doing fine. This is Day 4, and it appears that there are no new spots forming (or very few) and most have scabbed or are beginning to scab. He is SO happy to be home with us and being a very good boy.
But I'm still desperately trying to keep the boys apart, not knowing if it is totally pointless. I have been doing endless laundry, trying to keep everything clean. Washing my hands, and Andrew's til I'm blue in the face. Andrew is generally good about keeping his distance from Ryan now, about his daily showers with the soap and taking the anti-itch medicine, even though it is obvious he doesn't like the taste. I'm so grateful for that. But he touches everything that Ryan puts in his mouth (which is everything at this stage) and I can't prevent that.
I keep going online, looking up more details on the chickenpox, researching the likelihood of antibodies in my breastmilk, the incubation period, the contagious period, etc., etc.
We are in the process of buying additional travel insurance now. Robert and I have both considered the option of just one of us going with Andrew, the other staying back with Ryan. I am open to Robert going with Andrew, but not really open to me going alone. First of all, it would mean having to give up breastfeeding, even if I continued to pump the whole time, my body would still stop generating enough to keep it up in the same supply it is now, as I don't get near as much when I pump as when Ryan nurses. Secondly, I don't think I would be ready to leave my baby for 2 weeks especially with an illness, and thirdly, the thought of being there without Robert and Ryan is almost equally depressing as not going at all.
Ok, so that's my venting for the moment. There's NOTHING anybody can do, and I just need to stop obsessing about what could or could not be.
It's a beautiful day...time to put on a happy face and enjoy it with my beautiful boys!

CHICKEN POX!!!

Andrew woke up Wednesday morning, and as per our usual Wednesday morning routine, he climbed into Mommy and Daddy's bed for a snuggle with me and Ryan. It was quite early (before 6am) so we laid there together for a while, talking, playing little games to make Ryan laugh, tickling and kissing each other...in addition to a few licks by Andrew to Ryan and some soocy swapping (Ryan put Andrew's soocy in his mouth). When we got out of bed, we went to Andrew's room to get him dressed as our intent was to head to the gym followed by a play date. (Andrew keeps asking me to take him to the gym - he loves the toys in the daycare there!)
ANYWAY, when he took off his underwear, I noticed a spot on his thigh...and a similar spot a little higher up and knew instantly what it was. In all honesty, I was kinda relieved, thinking it was great that he contracted them now, BEFORE our upcoming trip/cruise. It wasn't until I did a little research on the internet that I realized how disastrous this could be...the incubation period ranges from 10 to 21 days...which means that Ryan, if he gets it, will get it somewhere in between boarding the flight to Miami and boarding the ship. Which could mean NO FLIGHT and/or NO SHIP. I FREAKED out. Instantly I regretted not vaccinating Andrew. But then the reason why I chose not to vaccinate is because many kids I know who have been vaccinated have still gotten the pox...and though it's really more serious for women, because if they get them when pregnant, it is very dangerous to the unborn child but supposedly it's a lot worse to get them in adulthood anyway, so I thought better to just have them and get them out of his system.
We've been talking about doing this trip for almost a year now, we've been building it up to Andrew for the last several months, it's the most expensive trip we've ever planned, it is a dream holiday for this family. Now what? So, I stewed for a good several hours, called the doc to see if Ryan could get vaccinated (he's too young), and carried on worrying for a good part of the day, wishing I could talk to Robert so he could calm me down and assure me it would all work out in the end (he has a magical way of soothing me!) But Robert was in meetings and then heading directly from the office in Madrid to the airport to board a flight to the US. So, I called my friends. And they listened, sympathized with me and though they couldn't fix the problem, I did feel much better. But then in a way I felt worse. Not for my problem, but for my friends' problems...which are far more grave than my own. It had been a while since I'd last spoke to a few friends and they are confronting conflicts far more stressful than the one I'm currently faced with. It will be a MASSIVE bummer if the vacation gets cancelled, but in the end I realized that really, the biggest problem is just WHEN we will be able to go on vacation. Cuz if this one gets cancelled, we will just have to postpone...of course it won't be a Disney cruise, because the transatlantics only happen once a year, and the regular Disney cruises are far too expensive for our vacation budget, but it will be something, and as long as we're all together as a family, it will be fun.
In the meantime, Andrew's case of chicken pox seems relatively mild, I'm treating him with special soap in the shower, antiseptic stuff on the spots and an anti-itch medicine to consume 3 times a day. The spots span from his head to his toe, but so far, there's really not that many, I'm guessing around 50 in total. He's as HAPPY as ever, perhaps even moreso cuz he doesn't have to go to school and he gets to stay home with Mommy and Baby Ryan! I am TRYING to keep the two boys apart, in the off chance that Ryan hasn't already got it, that he won't pass them on now, but am not terribly successful....Andrew forgets and just naturally goes to Ryan to play, to soothe him, etc. He's getting better now about staying away from his brother (this is the 2nd day of spots) but the damage has probably already been done anyway.
So...that's the latest in our lives...fingers are still crossed though that it will all work out as planned...it is possible my breastmilk still has antibodies in it. (please God!!!)
What I don't get is why these things ALWAYS happen when Robert is away????

I think the espanol battle has been won...

by Robert...who has, against my VERY strong desire, chosen not to speak spanish to Andrew. When I picked Robert up from work yesterday, his colleague Hali was walking out with him and she stopped to have a chat with Andrew in the backseat. She was asking Andrew about school and held up her hands to have him count her fingers. He counted them in english and then upon her request, he then counted them in french. Then she said "espanol", to which he replied in a very serious tone, "I only speak english and french"!!!!!! (even though he knows how to count to 20 in spanish)
I've started to persist he speak spanish to Ryan. But I suppose I should probably just save my breath!

One birthday, four birthday cakes!!!

Truthfully, I was not too keen on the prospect of turning 38 (I think it's that clock I am starting to hear tick...and, I am still somewhat hopeful for baby #3 if I can ever convince Robert that it would be a great idea!!!), nevertheless, I have been reminded by many events in the recent past that birthdays are indeed something to be celebrated. I feel seriously blessed for every day that I am here and healthy, that I get to share with my three beautiful boys, and my amaaazing family and circle of friends. I had originally thought about planning a girls dinner night out like Steph's, but with Robert only back for one week, the first weekend of which he was totally recovering from jetlag, I opted against it in preference for some more family down time together.

Birthday celebration #1 was with Gia and Karl...Gia's birthday is one day before me, so she brought over cake for gouter (afternoon snack) with one candle for each of us (we of course let the boys blow the candles and make our wishes!), then we had a play date, then headed off to dinner at McDonald's! A fun day!

Birthday #2 was the family "party", a wonderful dinner that I did not cook or clean up after, and started off ever so sweetly when each of the boys brought the above home-made birthday cards to me in bed.

Birthday #3 was hosted by Steph, my hillarious and extremely thoughtful friend (who also happens to be a gourmet cook), who invited me over for an amaaazing birthday lunch, along with Jackie, whose birthday is one day after mine.

And birthday #4 is to be celebrated, sans children, tomorrow, when Robert and I will have a lunch date together while Andrew is in school and Ryan at creche...CANNOT wait!!!

My surprise from Robert

Got this email from Robert who is currently on his loooong trip home from Australia......yippeeeeeeeee! (for both R coming home and a balcony cabin!)

Babe......there is something I need to tell you.........I've been thinking about how to tell you, or if to tell you at all........I figured you would find out soon enough, so I will tell you (see how I'm "building up" to the news :-)..........see below.....

































.......how would you like to cross the Atlantic over 14 days sleeping on a DELUXE OCEANVIEW STATEROOM WITH VERANDAH ?????........maybe something like Cabin 6610 on the Disney Magic?.......would that be OK with you?........we could always go back to an inside cabin if you prefer, but I thought you may like this :-)
...Take a look
http://disneycruise.disney.go.com/ships-activities/ships/staterooms/magic-wonder/deluxe-oceanview-stateroom-with-verandah/

I looooooove you!!!!!!
Me.

I hate packing!!!

Since my mother taught me that I don't "hate" anything or anyone, I will say that I extremely dislike packing! As excited as I am about our upcoming trip, I cannot wait til I get everyone's bags all packed. I've never been good at it, whether it be packing a suitcase or even packing the groceries into shopping bags...still not used to the fact that I have to bag my own groceries...anyway, Robert knew this going into our marriage as he often reminds me of the time I called him in Rome at 3AM balling my eyes out (and in a hormonal pregnancy state) on the night before I was heading off to join him in Rome for our wedding/honeymoon trip, freaking out that I didn't have a big enough suitcase!!! Anyway, it's even harder planning for a transatlantic trip, where it is imperative to travel as light as possible, yet having to prepare for both warm and cold weather, not to mention all the essentials your children may possibly need while in the middle of the Atlantic for two weeks. I have already made two piles of stuff to pack, one for each of the boys and since Robert is leaving a couple weeks ahead of us, he will be taking the boys' suitcase with him to minimize the stuff I will need to take, as I will already have quite the load with my own suitcase, my carry-on, Andrew's carry-on, the stroller and two car seats!!! Needless to say, I've been busy with preparations. Robert will be home Thursday but it won't be long before he is off to the States so I have to get everything taken care of in advance. And Ryan's closet seems to be a revolving door of stuff he's outgrown and stuff he can currently wear, in addition to pulling out the new wardrobe of Andrew's summer clothes since he's completely outgrown last summer's stuff.
But I know it will all be worth it in the end...when we are sailing away with Mickey and friends on a wonderful two-week journey. As if the cruise itself isn't a big enough birthday gift for me, we've reserved babysitting hours for dinner each night for Ryan so that I will be able to have real dates with Robert and sometimes Andrew too, without worrying about having to put a crying baby on my boob! I've done a lot of reading up on the ship, the entertainment, etc. and now I know all of the characters that we will meet onboard, including: Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Pluto, Goofy, Lilo, Stitch, Cinderella, Snow White, Captain Hook, Alice, the Beast, Chip and Dale. And here are the shows we will get to see:

All Aboard: Let the Magic Begin
All Aboard: Let the Magic Begin is an approximate 50-minute live show featuring variety acts, musical performances and a cavalcade of Disney Characters. It plays on Embarkation Day aboard the Disney Magic on Deck 4, Forward in the Walt Disney Theatre on 7-night or longer cruises

Disney Dreams – An Enchanted Classic
Disney Dreams – An Enchanted Classic is an award-winning, 50-minute musical live show celebrating the value of dreams, starring some of your favorite Disney Characters. It plays at approximately 6:15 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. aboard the Disney Magic and the Disney Wonder on Deck 4, Forward in the Walt Disney Theatre.

The Golden Mickeys
The Golden Mickeys is an approximate 50-minute, musical live show presented as an awards ceremony in which characters from Disney movies are nominated in a series of categories. It plays at approximately 6:15 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. aboard the Disney Magic and the Disney Wonder on Deck 4, Forward in the Walt Disney Theatre.

Remember the Magic: A Final Farewell
Remember the Magic: A Final Farewell is an approximate 50-minute live show that revisits some of your cruise's most memorable moments, starring a host of variety acts, theatre performers and Disney Characters from your cruise. It plays the day before Debarkation aboard the Disney Magic on Deck 4, Forward in the Walt Disney Theatre on 7-night or longer cruises.

Toy Story – The Musical
Toy Story –The Musical is an approximate hour-long, musical live show based on the hit Disney•Pixar film. The light-hearted story of Woody and Buzz Lightyear's friendship plays exclusively at approximately 6:00 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. on the Disney Wonder in the Walt Disney Theatre, located at Deck 4, Forward.

Twice Charmed: An Original Twist on the Cinderella Story
Twice Charmed: An Original Twist on the Cinderella Story is an approximate 50-minute, Broadway-style, song-and-dance extravaganza which re-imagines the classic Cinderella story. It plays at approximately 6:15 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. aboard the Disney Magic on Deck 4, Forward in the Walt Disney Theatre.

Yes, indeed, it is worth all of the packing in the world!!!

Cute things

Last Friday I had a wonderful girls night out at a Thai restaurant in celebration of my friend Steph's birthday. It was so nice to get out, escape from the little ones for a few hours, to hang with old friends and meet new ones...all moms, all expats, living in the South of France. Topics of conversation are varied but inevitably include talking about our children. I love to hear about the things, good and bad, funny and not-so-funny that other children are doing. But I always love the opportunity to share my stories as well, and it's even better when there is such a receptive audience. I don't know a single parent that doesn't like to share things about their child with others. I clearly recall hearing all the funny things about my colleagues kids at work. I remember fondly, and still love to talk about many of the cute and funny things my nephews and niece did. And now that I am a Mommy, it is my turn to start sharing. I know that the things my boys do are MOST funny and adorable to me and Robert...but I know that there are many who will also get a good kick out of them. So...this blog post will be a work-in-process. I am going to attempt to update it on a somewhat frequent basis, as a means of documenting the things that just melt mine and Robert's hearts or make us pee our pants laughing!
A couple things stand out as a start.
Andrew soothing Ryan
First off, is the way Andrew reacts to Ryan crying. At the very beginning, Andrew was very distraught when Ryan cried and would demand that I help him right away. Then he started to get used to it and would talk to Ryan in a cute, soothing tone, "It's OK, you're fine, Mommy's coming, she's gonna give you a boob..." Then last night, Ryan was a little (OK, A LOT) miserable due to teething pain and Andrew told me that he just misses Daddy. He then proceeded to go to Ryan, every so tenderly stroke his head and in a very soothing tone stated, "It's OK little bear, Daddy will be home really soon". I know indeed that it is Andrew missing his Daddy very much, but so cute how he's already trying to help his little brother cope!
Late night reading
This Wednesday was a very windy and rainy day, so we didn't leave the house. Usually Andrew naps better when we do some kind of active activity in the morning but this Wednesday we were all fairly lazy and I suspected that his nap wasn't going to be a long one. But he ended up sleeping for nearly 4 hours!!! I went in twice to try and wake him a little, but I figured if he was still that "out", that he needed the sleep. The price came though when it came time to put him to bed. Intuitively, I knew he wouldn't be ready for his usual 8/8:30 bedtime so we stayed up later which allowed him the opportunity to talk to Daddy on the phone. I finished his bedtime story at 9:30, turned out his light and kissed him good night. I then got comfy on the couch and caught up with some tv shows. I kept hearing some noises here and there but I just remained on the couch. When I went to bed myself at 11:00, I passed by Andrew's room, only to find him absolutely buried in books all over his bed and his flash light shining on the one he was reading. I couldn't help but chuckle! I thought the morning drill for school was gonna be a nightmare the next day, but was wrong indeed...there was Andrew by my bedside at 6am, as per usual, ready to party and telling me it's time to get up!
Disciplining his tiger
This morning I overheard Andrew talking to his tiger. As a preface, I have given Andrew a couple time-outs in the past, proceeded by a little "talk" about why the behaviour was wrong, when he ran off from me in an unsafe place, i.e. parking lot. So, this morning, when I was just entering the living room, I observed Andrew talking to his giant tiger. The tiger was in his "cage" i.e. upside down laundry basket! He said to the tiger, "We need to have a little talk now. I really love you and I don't want you to be lost or hurt, so you can't run away, ok? Do you understand?"!!! I nearly burst into laughter but didn't want him to see me so I escaped to the bathroom to do so privately! But at least I am comforted by the fact that our "talks" are sinking in!
The ambulance sign
Andrew is VERY perceptive. He often points out things that I would never even notice. For example, the crocodile on the Lacoste store sign. Dolphins, killer whales, every billboard we pass for Marineland, he spots it from miles away. And as I presume most boys do, he always points out tractors, cranes and rescue vehicles (police cars, fire trucks, ambulances, etc.) He also happens to be peaking with the WHY? questions. All through tv shows and movies, it's constant: "why is it dark", "why are the animals talking", "why is she wearing that", "why is the monkey black"...it's endless. So anyway, this morning, he notices on the stove top that there is a "plus" sign (which is the heat control). He recognizes the plus sign as the red cross ambulance sign, so he asks me, "Why is there an ambulance sign on the stove?" to which I respond, "Because if you touch it, I will have to call the ambulance"!!! He accepted that answer immediately!