Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

I've been inspired recently to write, not only from the wonderful comments I flourish in about my blog, but also by one of the books I just recently finished reading: Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" which centers around achieving your dreams, and how to lead your life. I LOVED this book and plan to read it at least once a year, so that its messages will remain instilled in my brain. Anyway, a dream of mine has always been to write a book. I think it started in grade 4 or 5, when I began writing stories for my parents and teachers. I'm not yet sure if I'll start with a children's book or a chick book, and whether or not it ever gets looked at by anyone other than my immediately family (and friends perhaps), it's officially on the bucket list now and I plan to pursue the achievement of this goal!

Mommy's Little Helper

Andrew LOVES to help Mommy. Whether it's vacuuming, mopping, cooking, doing laundry, dishes, whatever, he wants to do his share. (it brought back memories of my youngest nephew, Nicholas, who balled his eyes out on Christmas Day one year because he was not allowed to wash the dishes!) The above shot is his contribution to cleaning the bathrooms, he did this one, while I was in the other bathroom, cleaning it! If you can't tell from the photo, the pink layer covering the floor around Andrew is indeed several rolls of toilet paper! Despite the fact that his cleaning assistance usually involves a significantly greater amount of clean-up work by Mommy, he has already proven himself in his "helper" role. The other day, after "taking care of some business" in the bathroom, I discovered there was no more toilet paper in the bathroom. So I said to Andrew "uh-oh, mommy needs some more toilet paper"...to which he immediately responded by running to the other bathroom and bringing back two more rolls of toilet paper! I was amazed! My friend recently commented that she is so delighted to be seeing me enjoy each and every milestone with Andrew and really embracing the joy of raising him...while other moms spend a lot of time just trying to "get through it". While there certainly are days whereby I am just trying (and struggling) to get through it, I do agree for the most part that I am embracing the joy of it all. I'm so glad I recognize NOW that this time flies by all too fast and I do my best to relish in every second of this incredible time. I know I've said it before, that this stage here is the cutest, the best, etc. and then the next stage creeps up and yep, it's even cuter and better than the last. I don't know yet exactly how the future stages will be, but I can say for certain, that the one he is in now, is absolutely the best. Despite the mischief, the tantrums, and the recent need of teaching discipline, Andrew puts the biggest smile on mine and Robert's faces each and every day, and an even bigger smile in our hearts.

Girls night out

Lots of sushi, lots of wine and lots of laughs. On Friday night, Mette hosted the latest "Girls night out" event at her flat in Juan-Les-Pins. The original plan was to make it a pot-luck dinner but it took little convincing on everyone's part to make it a "take-away" evening and a select few brought some yummy dessert. Pregnant Bec was kind enough to offer me a lift, which meant that I didn't have to worry about a) getting lost finding her place or b) consuming alcohol! Perhaps I've mentioned it before, but I feel so blessed for the friends I have here in France. We have so much in common in that we are almost all expats, we're at the same stage in life, same age, our kids are the same age, we share the same problems, the same joys, etc. It's a support system for me that I can't imagine being without. I was sharing a story about how on my last trip to Carrefour (grocery store), I was praying that I wouldn't run into anybody I knew. It had been my intent that day to drop off Andrew at daycare, run home and have a nice, long, peaceful shower before heading out for my errands. However, two minutes before pulling into the car park at home after I dropped Andrew off, (yes, I am really picking up on this British lingo stuff now!), the daycare called stating that Andrew had a fever so I had to go pick him up. Make a long story short, I thought it would be easiest to pick up the necessities (i.e. diapers that we were running out of) at the grocery store on my way home from picking Andrew up even though I hadn't yet showered and barely got out of my jammies. (and of course I ran into practically EVERYBODY I know!!!) Anyway, after sharing this story, beautiful Sarette ( who is a working mother of 3 year old and 6 month old) pipes up (in her adorable South African accent) and states that she hasn't bathed in three days!!! I thought I was going to pee my pants!!! Anyway, much of the conversation and further laughs, centered around talking about our kids, our husbands, discipline techniques, etc. and life in France in general. We all had a fabulous time and I'm already disappointed that I'll miss out on the "Christmas girls night out" event in December as I'll be in Florida by then.

Hablas espanol?

Ok, so the answer to that question for me is a definite no. Despite my introductory course to Spanish I took in adult education classes shortly after meeting Robert, my Spanish is rather limited, though I must say, I am starting to understand more and more of Robert's phone conversations with his mom and sis. However, it has been a strong desire of mine since even before Andrew was born, that Robert speak Spanish to Andrew. Robert did not feel the same desire but his only argument was that I would not be able to participate in the conversation. My arguments for teaching him what will now be a third language strongly outweigh his...and the earlier you teach a child a second language (or third in Andrew's case), the easier it will be for him to learn it. I've done all sorts of reading and research, and even without doing so, I know in my heart that it may very well benefit Andrew to know more than one language. I cannot even fathom living here without the benefit of the French I learned from a very early age. Robert's spanish has come in handy countless times...and I firmly believe that having the word "bilingual" on both of our resumes has contributed to securing many good job offers. Most of my friends here speak a very minimum of two languages, and the same goes for their kids. FINALLY, Daddy has agreed! (although a little bribing did help...he would get back scratches every night if he kept it up!!!) It's only been a few weeks and already, Andrew understands many Spanish words and can answer or follow simple instruction to a spanish question/command. And I am VERY happy!

Is my child clean?

That was one of the questions on the 50 page application for Andrew's "creche", aka daycare. EVERYTHING in France is complicated, and requires endless amounts of paperwork. (I'm still working on getting a replacement health insurance card after losing it in June...and each time I sent in the requested documentation, I receive another letter in the mail requesting something else). Robert is convinced that the inefficiency of French systems is entirely intentional and designed to create as many jobs as possible! It is a true fact that 25% of the French population work for the government. Anyway, so I'm filling out this daycare form and I come across the question: "Votre enfant est-il propre?" or something to that effect...which translates directly to "Is your child clean". If you look up "propre" in the French-English dictionary, you will find the word "clean". At the time, I thought it was a bit of an odd question, but not the first time I've come across something odd in France, so I checked off the "Oui" (Yes) box...there was room for comments on every line so I added (in French) "except at mealtime" as he is still a rather messy eater and definitely requires a bib. But I'm thinkin in my head, "of course my boy is clean, we have baths and showers all the time". Well, it wasn't until yesterday when I was discussing potty training with some friends in the babygroup and one of my French friends asked me if Andrew was "propre". It clicked. Andrew is indeed NOT propre, aka potty-trained!!! I bet the directrice at the daycare got a good kick out of my answer, or perhaps she did not understand my answer at all. Makes me wonder how many other such mistakes I've made since I moved to France!
Funnily enough, Andrew had a similar communication barrier with the babysitter today. She was telling me how well he had eaten, and advised that when he had finished his plate, he said "encore", which the babysitter interpreted to mean he wanted more. I am quite certain that what he really said was "ah gah" (all gone), in other words, he was done!

Obama-mania!

It is certainly understandable that everyone in the United States was riveted by the recent election. I was amazed, however, to discover much of the same hype and attention to the matter over here. Many of my friends (French, Italian, Spanish or other) even got up in the middle of the night to view the final outcome. Admittedly, I have not always been the most knowledgeable one when it comes to the world and current events (my family is probably laughing right now), but now that the only English tv we get is news, things have changed! I had a lengthy discussion (in French) with one of Andrew's daycare teachers; she wasn't just interested, she was educated. She knew all about the election, and brought up issues such as swing states, John Mc Cain's VP choice and the latest poll numbers in our discussion. And I found one common thread: EVERYBODY over here was rooting for Barack Obama. On Wednesday, November 5th, I definitely saw and felt this nation over here rejoicing with the happy news.

The cutest little pumpkin in the whole wide world...

The 31st of October marked our second Halloween in France and the first one that we truly celebrated. All of the children dressed up for the Friday baby group (and one mommy, me of course - anyone at Life Care reading this is probably laughing at this cow costume and the fact that I STILL have it!!!...it was a BIG hit though!!!), we brought in some Halloween goodies, and that evening, I even got Robert in the spirit by ending the day with a little family pumpkin carving. Andrew was rather afraid of the "guts" inside the pumpkin and wouldn't put his hands anywhere near it, but was delighted with the final product, that we lit up and named Jack, until he smothered to his death about 48 hours later! I still miss the whole trick-or-treating custom, but I've been told that it can be found in certain villages, which I will remember for perhaps next year, when Andrew is a little bit older.

Working mother...

The month of October was a wonderfully quiet and uneventful month. We had all adjusted to being back in France after the summer. Robert's travel schedule had tamed considerably after a frantic travel month in September. We had no expectant visitors. (though we did enjoy our unexpected visitor's visit, when Deborah came to stay for two nights) Our weekends were spent roaming through new and unfamiliar villages in the region (St. Paul-de-Vence, Cagnes-Sur-Mer) stopping in the quaint little restaurants for wonderful lunches, and leisurely walks along the beach and into the local market. Andrew successfully completed his "adaptation" at the "creche" (daycare) and began two mornings per week. (and has since graduated to one full day and one half day and absolutely loves it).
I found myself thinking about work. An ad for a part-time accounting job at a local yachting agency REALLY caught my eye. And then in came an email from Bill with a couple of job assignments for Life Care! I readily accepted the assignments and found myself enjoying the work, even though I was often a little on the tired side, as most of the work was done in the evenings after Andrew went down for the night. I am now looking forward to the next assignment which will begin this week. I fully recognize that I am not a working mother in the true sense of the words but it feels good to have a little work balance in the mix.

Babyproofing and no more naps...

Our apartment now needs an instruction manual. Robert and I once thought we'd covered our bases quite well in this place when we'd taken all of the books off the low shelves of the bookcases, covered the outlets with babyproof plugs and kept all of the poisonous household items in a locked cupboard. We hadn't even begun. Now, each and every cupboard and drawer has a childproof latch; every lamp is secured to the wall with a bungy cord; every garbage can is mounted on a wall/shelving unit or towel rack; the kitchen has a baby gate installed at its entrance; the oven is secured shut with a bungy cord attached to a hook that Robert installed into the drawer alongside, the bathroom doors have duck tape covering the lock on the inside...the list is endless! And despite it all, our little adventurer still finds trouble or danger on a daily basis!
It's been almost a year since Andrew reduced himself to one nap per day, usually in the afternoons. Then all of a sudden, near the end of the summer, he stopped napping altogether. I tried everything...music, books upon books, rocking, soothing, pacifiers, milk, food, teddy bears, blankets, laying beside him, on the couch, in the bed, etc., etc. etc. to no avail. So I gave up. I discovered it was much easier for me to just play with him than to spend an hour or so in "wind-down mode" to no avail. The good thing is that nothing is centered around naptime anymore. We are free to do anything, anytime in the day. The bad part is that I desperately miss my "down time".
At times I have felt envious, even a little jealous, of friends whose children virtually never attempt to open a prohibited door or cupboard, let alone sleep for hours on end every afternoon. But upon sharing my feelings with other mom friends, I realize that every mother of a young child has her challenges and that perhaps the grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. For example, Simona, mother of two-year old Mariachiara, who literally did not babyproof a single thing, and whose daughter has gone to sleep on demand pretty much since birth, is confronted with constant battle for each and every meal or snack. Mariachiara doesn't like to eat! Every meal time is an endless and exhausting game of trying to find what her daughter will eat and how to get her to eat it! Andrew on the flip side, loves to eat! He eats everything, and anything (except avacadoes) and devours everything on his plate at meal time at which point he dumps his dish upside down and declares "all gone" or rather "ahhh gahhh"! Mette's two-year old daughter Maya loves her afternoon naps. Immediately after lunch, she wants her "doudou", that's french for the cuddle toy that many kids development an attachment to, and goes to sleep wherever, perhaps the stroller if they are out, the bed if they are at home, etc. However, night time is a total nightmare. She resists in any way she possibly can. She's thirsty, hungry, has to pee, wants another book, etc. She often ends up crashing at 10 or 11 at night after hours of bedtime battles. She has tried to resolve the problem by either omitting the daytime nap or cutting it shorter; either way, Maya ends up being cranky and miserable all afternoon. Again, Andrew goes down at 7PM every night and very seldom wakes before 7AM. Robert and I have every evening free to ourselves, to eat a nice, quiet dinner alone, watch a tv program or a movie, etc. I have begun to adjust to no afternoon naps by using that time to take Andrew swimming. We live right down the street from the biggest aquatic complex in France, so what better way to spend a couple hours than a nice walk to the pool and some fun splashing in the pool, followed by nice, long side-by-side showers. And we even get to see the famed Olympic champion, winner of the 100m freestyle, Alain Bernard, training in the adjacent pool every time we go. We are considered "regulars" there at the pool now and I seldom even have to present my annual pass. The people who work there call Andrew the "champion nageur". (champion swimmer) He can already swim without water wings for as long as he can hold his breath! The funny thing is, these afternoon swims are really starting to tucker the little guy out, and he just started napping again when we get home from the pool!!!

Our third guest in the south of France...

Mom's trip turned out to come at a great time. Although it was a difficult step for her, considering the original plans had included Don in her travels, it was indeed a diversion from the home in Oakville that was feeling a little bit empty, in between all of the visits from her wonderful friends. Mom got a small taste of French life, the crazy driving and roundabouts, the stressful grocery shopping excursions, the absence of a clothes dryer...but also a taste of the gourmet foods and wines, the tourist attractions (including Antibes, Juan-Les-Pins, Monaco, Cannes, Nice), some slot machines (of course!) and a scenic drive to Ventimiglia (coastal village in Italy), where she professed hands-down that she had the biggest meal of her entire life...I still laugh when thinking about the look on her face when the massive plates of food kept arriving on our table! (I had no trouble finishing each of my delicious plates...dessert included!) In between the touristy stuff, we had a good time hanging out with Mr. Bundle of Energy (aka Burbujitas) and watching lots of chick flicks in the evening.

Aunty Susie's getting married!!!

After the recent tragedy of Don's passing, it was wonderful to have something very happy to celebrate. When Susie called to announce her engagement, we were absolutely thrilled. It was Susie and Bill's two-year anniversary of dating, and they had gone off to Montreal for a dragon boat festival. Despite Bill's best-laid plans for a romantic proposal aboard a hot air balloon, high winds and stormy weather resulted in a more casual proposal in front of the hotel they were staying at, for which Susie mistakenly assumed was a joke! Upon realization of Bill's seriousness and upon sight of the ring, she quickly caught on and was overwhelmed with happiness. I can't even begin to describe the immense joy I feel in my heart for her and am already counting down the days til the big day: June 13, 2008. It will be an honour for me to stand by her, as her maid of honour, as she and Bill exchange their wedding vows. They are truly a magical couple that complement each other in every aspect and are just a joy to be around. I'm already starting to worry about how I will be able to maintain my composure throughout my speech at her wedding...better stock up on some serious Kleenex! I just wish I could be around more in advance of the wedding to help with the arrangements, go dress-shopping with her, etc.

Missing Don...

Five days before my scheduled flight back to Toronto for the summer, and just a few days after Colette left, the terrible phone call from Susie came, with the tragic news of Don's passing. It was in a restaurant in Toronto, where mom and Don were awaiting Susie and Bill's arrival, for a dinner together before heading off to the Blue Jay game. A massive heart attack ended his life in an instant. Although for Don, it was indeed a quick and painless death, it was very difficult for all of us who loved him, who never got any warning and no chance to say good-bye. Don was such a special man and wonderful human being. He was very special to me, to Robert and to Andrew and is sorely missed by all of us, not to mention my mom, and the endless list of loving friends and family he had. The number of people at his funeral in Buffalo was indeed a testament to how much he was loved, and by how many. The eulogy that Susie delivered, alongside Lorraine and I, was outstanding. Here it is:

Don’s Eulogy
When my mom first started mentioning this Don Smith fellow, we didn’t really know what to think and were definitely a bit sceptical. Then, when she was talking about marriage so soon after they had met, we really thought she’d gone nuts. However, as soon as we met him, it became so clear how happy they were and what a special person he was. I can assure you, all scepticism quickly vanished.
Don fit so easily into all of our lives and truly wanted to be a part of everything. We felt a connection with him immediately – he was so easy to talk to and to get to know. Almost from the beginning of their relationship, he became the source of fatherly wisdom and grandfatherly love that our lives had been missing. He was very quickly a welcome member of our family and he fit right in. He was the most loving and caring husband we could have ever asked for for our mom. He adopted us and our kids as his own. Don was an invaluable support to all of us. No matter what was going on, he was always there. If we needed help, without a moment’s hesitation, he would drop what he was doing to lend a hand. Whether it was for advice on career changes, relationship counselling, help with moving or just babysitting, Don was always around and was proud to help out. Just recently he spent hours upon hours researching the purchase of new appliances for Lorraine – the pages of notes and quotes and consumer reports were endless. His generosity knew no bounds.
He bonded immediately with all of my mom’s wonderful friends. I think when they saw them together at one of their first gatherings dressed up as Sonny and Cher ....and he wasn’t the one playing Sonny, we all knew he was a great match for our mom. In this past week, the phone messages, the letters and emails pouring in and the presence of all here today is a testament to what a valued friend Don was to so many. I know that many of my mom’s friends felt that they’d known Don for years.
Not only was he amazing in his treatment of my mother and us, but it was so heart warming to see the relationship he had with his kids. The way Don spoke of them, their spouses and the grand kids, it was so evident how much he loved them all. We would always ask how they were all doing and he would be able to tell us exactly what each of them had been up to in an almost up to the minute report. He was definitely a father to be envied. It meant so much to him to keep such close tabs on everyone’s lives, including all of his family and friends. No matter where my mom and Don went, he always kept in contact. Every cruise or trip they went on, Don provided us with a full account of every detail of their day, right down to every morsel of food that was consumed. No question about it, Don savoured every moment of his life!
We learned so many things from Don in the years that he was with us. We’d like to share a few of them.
10 things we learned from Don
Family and friends are the most important things in life.
For some people, it doesn’t matter how long they are in your life... they can impact it forever .
Even the most patient of men have their breaking points. For Don, it was getting stuck behind a slow guy in traffic. There was only way to get from A to B.... the fastest way.
A beer , whether in a pint glass or a bottle, can be consumed in one swallow with minimal effort
Despite major technological advances, cell phones are still not water proof... Don learned that lesson several times
A rather large man plus a minor case of imbalance plus a small fishing boat can equal a shipwreck within seconds.
Hanging mirrors with tape probably isn’t the best idea.
A hug from a man like Don really can make everything better.
Nothing melts your heart like seeing a grandpa making his grandchildren laugh... and he was certainly the best at it.
Love can be found at any age.... and it is definitely worth waiting for.

Don lived every day like it might be his last and he definitely made the most out of each and every day. I used to get exhausted just hearing about all of their plans for travelling whether it was exploring South America or the Baltic Sea or just driving down to Florida with 10 stops along the way to see various family and friends. Somebody was always coming for a visit, maybe just for dinner or sometimes to stay for a week. They were always going out – to golf or for dinner with friends – they had the most active social life of anyone we knew. Mom has recently said that they put a really good dent into their “bucketlists” in the past couple of years..... We should all learn from him and focus more on living for the moment. Life throws curve balls and we never know what lies around the corner and Don has taught us that each day is a precious gift to be filled with as much adventure, happiness , laughter and love as possible.
Don Smith will be missed by so many. He was a remarkable man who always had a sparkle in his eye. He could easily brighten up even the darkest of days. With no effort at all, he put a brilliantly lit smile on my mother’s face and, without a doubt, he has touched all of our lives. We consider him an amazing gift to us who will be remembered and loved forever.

...Don's absence in my mom's house in Oakville was ever so present throughout the duration of the summer. I was very happy to be able to be there with my mom during some of the darkest moments, and Andrew provided a wonderful distraction to the sadness and grief we were all feeling.